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Transformational Talk
Keep Ongoing Relatonships Tender & Loving
Do you know how to keep your relationship tender and loving for the long haul? Although you likely started out with the effortless grace of new love— enduring love requires speaking up about the inevitable hurts that arise in intimate connection. This isn’t easy! Sometimes you guard yourself with a shield of icy distance and sometimes you end up sniping like a guerrilla fighter. The challenge is to find skillful ways of talking about upsets.
Here’s the tip: See if it feels safe to talk about vulnerable feelings in your relationship. If no, the first thing you need to do is have a conversation about that. Before you talk, set some ground rules to help you both feel secure sharing what doesn’t feel good. Agree on heartfelt listening with no interruptions. Promise to focus on how you feel not on what your beloved did wrong. Offer and ask for responsibility for each one’s part of any upset.
Once your relationship is secure, check whether you feel safe enough inside yourself to open up. If you find numbness, depression or anxiety, you may need support for uncovering true feelings. Share your situation with your partner – that may be enough to get emotions moving again. If necessary, seek professional help.
Keeping love alive requires vulnerability and safety. Enjoy the sweet love that flows when you take steps inside and out to ensure this shelter for yourself and your beloved. ©
Penelope Young Andrade, LCSW www.penelopetalk.com Call: 858-481-5752 fax: 858-484-8374 email: PenelopeYAndrade@gmail.com