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Transformational Talk
Treated Unfairly? What to Do
What can you do when someone you love has been treated unfairly?
Hearing that loved ones have been hurt by others is painful. Natural urges to protect or attack are immediately activated. Unfortunately, even when you try there is often nothing you can do to make things right in the outside world. The good news is that there are things you can do inside your relationship to make a difference.
Here’s the tip: Start by providing emotional support. Offer a tender ear or shoulder. Sharing your own feelings of grief and/or anger also helps.
Next, evaluate legal action, notification of appropriate authorities or clergy, or direct confrontation with abusers. Going over options together may reveal new possibilities.
Finally, ask loved ones if they would allow you to ‘tell off’ their perpetrators in absentia. Ask them to sit with you while you perform a little psychodrama and give the wrong doers a piece of your mind. Have at it. Cuss and shout. Speak out in precise detail about how unfair, how hurtful, how wrong, how furious you are about what happened.
When finished, ask your loved ones how it felt to hear you standing up for them. See if they don’t feel more relaxed, more empowered. Because the brain doesn’t distinguish clearly between something vividly enacted and something that really happens, you’ll both feel better. Try it. You can defend the ones you love no matter what.
Penelope Young Andrade, LCSW www.penelopetalk.com Call: 858-481-5752 fax: 858-484-8374 email: PenelopeYAndrade@gmail.com