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Transformational Talk
Trusting Anger
Do you know how to trust anger? Like many, when anger arises you may automatically think it’s a bad thing and try to stuff it down in body and mind. After all it feels bad and often leads to mis-communication and relationship upset. The problem is anger typically contains important messages about how needs are not being met. When you ignore it, you miss an opportunity to create a life that suits you. Trusting anger and managing it skillfully are real challenges.
Here’s the tip. First, separate your experience of anger from communicating anger to the person or people who triggered it. You need a safe place to explore what your anger is trying to tell you...no holds barred.
Writing in a journal, venting to a good friend, talking with a counselor are all good choices. Keep listening inside until you know specifically what hurts and what you need.
Next, if possible, arrange to talk about your upset with those involved. If that’s not feasible have an imaginal dialogue. In any case, share your feelings. Tell your truth, avoid blame, speak from your heart.
Finally, listen carefully to others’ anger with you. Their anger contains important information about what they need. Avoid eating crap and take responsibility. Aim for win-win.
No matter what the outcome, sharing and listening deeply is the foundation for nourishing relationships and fulfilled needs. ©
Penelope Young Andrade, LCSW www.penelopetalk.com Call: 858-481-5752 fax: 858-484-8374 email: PenelopeYAndrade@gmail.com