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Transformational Talk

Self-Care When Unjustly Accused

Do you know how to care for yourself when unjustly accused? False allegations may land like life threatening blows to solar plexus and heart. If accusations are hurled by friends or relatives, the pain may be immobilizing. Attending to needs when thus wounded is a real challenge.

Here’s the tip. First, seek solace. This is no time to be alone. Tell loved ones what happened. Ask them to stand by you and help assess whether legal support is necessary. Stay out of your head. Reviewing this betrayal too many times will not help. Focus awareness in your body. Scan for sensations. If you’re primarily numb, look for any sense of life. Take your pulse. Feel your heart beat. Hold someone’s hand to experience the warmth of connection. If still numb, find professional help. You may be having a post-trauma reaction.

Once present in your body look for sad, mad, scared emotions. Allow them to move. They are designed to restore resources. Find support for safely, briefly sobbing, trembling, cursing, punching. Focus on your body’s ensuing relief. Watch as strength courses back into yourself. Repeat as needed.

Finally, when ready for constructive action, face, call or write your accuser. Speak with dignity and courage. Remember, whatever is going on inside this perpetrator, it has nothing to do with you. Breathe. You are still here, alive and kicking. You will not be vanquished. You know who you are. ©

Penelope Young Andrade, LCSW Call: 858-481-5752 fax: 858-484-8374 email: